New York is the Center of the Universe

Nov 30, 2024

New York City is the center of the universe.

FAQ

What about ____?

That’s a great place! However, New York is the center of the universe.

But I don’t like New York!

I’m sorry to hear that! I hope you have an enjoyable life somewhere else. Nonetheless, New York is the center of the universe.

What about aliens?

I am willing to concede that somewhere out in the universe there may be an alien civilization host to a city whose quality and importance surpasses that of New York City. Lacking definitive evidence of their existence, however, I maintain that New York is the center of the universe.

Why would you say such an outrageous thing?

Because New York, I believe, is the center of the universe.

Given that we live in a globalized world connected by the Internet, can we really say that any one city is the “center of the universe”?

You would certainly think so! Nevertheless, New York is the center of the universe.

You’re wrong.

That’s not a question. Still, this information comes to me from a higher source. I cannot but conclude that New York is the center of the universe.

Why?

Whenever anything important happens on Earth, there’s a good chance it’s happening in New York.

Whenever anything important happens on Earth not in New York, New York knows about it and New York is involved in it or about to be involved in it.

Anyone who is anyone either lives in New York, has lived in New York, or maintains important relationships with people who live in New York.

New York launders human culture.

Is this a good thing?

Almost certainly not.

Will this be true forever?

I have no idea. I hope not.